Who in the world is using all of the glitter?

Oct 27

THE GLITTER CONSPIRACY

One of the world’s largest Glitter manufacturers (Glitterex) won’t disclose who their largest client is. Their client does not want the world to know that “it” is glitter. Apparently, we wouldn’t be able to tell it is glitter, but “would see something.”

THEORY SHARE OF VOICE (%)

Source: Brandwatch Twitter Conversation

MILITARY EXPLOSIVES (48%)

Taking up the largest share of voice is military weapons. One theory is that it is AMPT paint, and another is that it’s for explosives. Both backed up by the U.S. military having deep pockets to spend on this expense.

This glitter industry conspiracy is spicy. The military enjoys a lil razzle dazzle with its weapons.
— BlameItOnHeni 🖤 (@HeniOnThaRocks) October 15, 2022

Boat Paint (23%)

This potential source bubbled to the top only to be quickly knocked back down by people as they highlighted the fact that boat paint very obviously has glitter in it. A reminder that this mystery buyer doesn’t want people to know it’s glitter!

The boat industry is the culprit behind the Glitter Conspiracy??? I thought it was the military or sumn WHATTT https://t.co/7sMvbouz5E
— Viereeeee (@notviereeeee) October 16, 2022

funeral homes (10%)

Funeral directors were quick to defend their industry as people accused them of using glitter in multiple ways. We’re going to skip some of the details here, but if you want to know more on this one it’s just a search away.

“Made an account just to type this. I am in the funeral industry (10+ yrs) and while I myself run a clean and ethical business, I know there is a stigma in this trade. HOWEVER, I do feel obligated to defend my turf, and state that the one thing any funeral director doesn't want near their funeral home is f*cking glitter…IT AINT US.”
- Reddit

toothpaste (9%)

This source seems to have some of the most consumer reasoning and research behind it, to the point where it has gained a cult following. Because of this, people were quick to point their finger to specific large personal care companies.

I still firmly believe BIG toothpaste is glitters number 1 buyer so they can put it in toothpaste. But I guess my conspiracy theories aren’t “popular” anymore. Smdh
— Jonathan (Leo) (@LChurch814) October 12, 2022

Food (3%)

While there are a few conspiracies around this one, a stand out is sprays on fresh produce used by grocery stores. If true (and we’re not saying it is), this would definitely explain why the mystery buyer wants to remain anonymous.

Money (3%)

People are putting their money on the U.S. Treasury as they conspire about how they could potentially use glitter in money. There have been many closeups of the ink used as people closely examine the fine details of paper bills.